When I was little, I had a fuzzy pink shirt that I loved. I
wore it and wore it, until one day I tried to put it on and promptly got stuck.
My arms were stuck over my head through the sleeves. The top of my head was sticking
out through the neck hole. I needed help. I am pretty happy that cellphone cameras were not around
back in those days. It would have been hilarious…now, maybe.
But now, this kind of thing happens to me a lot. Not because
of shirts that are too small, but because of old age, collateral damage to my
shoulder, and having to wear a bra.
Getting older is a bugger.
I tell you what. Had I been more adventurous and more
athletic, maybe I would have less aches and pains. Maybe more. No one really
warns you of the consequences you face with your life choices. They are different for everyone. Some people
get off relatively easy, others are riding around on a Rascal before they reach
their 60’s.
Me? I am living with the pain of someone who has worked on
hard floors in bad shoes for years. Lotsa years. I have flat feet now, and a
huge knot on my left Achilles tendon with bone chips in it. My ankles, twisted
and sprained many times as a child trying to ice skate or roller skate or merely
get off the monkey bars, are managing to hold me upright and keep me walking.
For how long? Who knows?
I have fallen down stairs and out of trees and off horses
with minds of their own. No problem. I fall on the sidewalk, no biggie, hit my
knees and got up and kept walking. Big problem! My WHOLE LEG turned black and
blue, and in a couple more months, got this really ugly nasty infection in the
knee and exploded!
Sigh.
People are in more pain than I, yep, I do know this. Other
people have harder things going on. That knowledge does not make me any better.
I am going to whine some.
Getting back to the point: Wearing a bra is a non-negotiable
to me. I am a baker, and I do a lot of frying. “Things” are already in the way,
and these “things” do not need to be deep fried. I am sure you catch my drift.
Besides, I was raised not to go without.
Up until recently, I was able to manage dressing myself on
my own. I have had that ability for simply years! Then I did something to my
shoulder, and it is working on becoming a frozen shoulder. Ouch. This means
that putting a bra on has become a huge challenge.
It doesn’t matter if it is the old fashioned fasten in the back
style, or the over the head sports bra
style, or the front closing style. Each one has a challenge attached. The
range of motion on my right arm (it is ALWAYS the arm you use the most that
becomes lame or useless, isn’t it?) is next to none.
Why can’t a bra be designed to be easier to put on, to not
have droopy shoulder straps or straps that show if you wear a doggone T shirt,
for goodness' sake, or has so many hooks and eyes that it takes a freaking hour
to fasten the thing! I am a larger woman. Bras for women like me seem to
require that it be similar to a piece of armor, a breastplate, if you will. And
if you get the right size one way, the other parts don’t fit. Ladies, I am not
the only one with this complaint, am I?
But I have a superhero in my life.
My husband, bless his heart, comes to my rescue. I call for
Bra Man, and he shows up! And helps me
get my arms and head and boobs where they need to be. I would be late for work if it weren’t for
his help! I wouldn’t go out in public. I would be lost without him. I am
working on getting more range of motion in that rotten arm of mine, but my hubby isn’t too bothered by having to help
me.
You just gotta look for the silver linings, and they are
there.
Except, he seems to be having more fun that I am...
